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Not point out you are guilty…Everyone can be happy. 

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Posted: May 18, 2017

I was busy today, too. I had a counseling session in the morning and another one after lunch. In the evening, another client visited me for an urgent counselling.

Every client has difficulty and anxiety about human relation with his or her family or close persons. I listen to his/her story but never judge the story from viewpoint of right and wrong, nor who should be blamed for.

I say to my client that all persons can be happy – of course, the client him- or herself and the client’s close person(s) and the related persons.

It is necessary to say to the so-called victim, “You were not wrong”. But, why the problem happened? Why did the client have to suffer from the hardship? No matter how many times a counsellor says to the perpetrating person, “You committed a crime”, it never solves the problem, nor can the victim be relieved. I think such a phrase only helps in making self-satisfaction or a fait accompli of the counsellor.

Supporters, especially counsellors, are not a judge or police officer. The work of supporter is, with the client together, to think where the problems and anxieties of the client come from and seek the way to put an end to them, to walk together and to assist the client in rewriting the story of life.

Today’s third client knows well that changing the client himself is necessary to end the difficulties that he has been struggling with. It is well understandable that he also feels hesitation and fears to make a change. He says that such a change might be a denial of the past himself. He is also afraid that he could fail to find true himself.

I stand by the client in hesitation and anxiety and watch the client make a step forward. Then, the story of his life starts rewriting. It’s OK. I’ll be with you. I’ll help you if you need…It’s something like a feeling of parent who is watching a toddling child. It is quite different from a condescending controller.

When such a client starts making a step forward with self-confidence, he or she will be able to relate to other persons with trust, affection and courage.

Today, I strengthened the desire to continue such supporting activities that can make everyone happy.

 

This evening, a client who had connected with us only by Skype came all the way to visit us in person. I cooked tempura of saxifrage that was growing naturally in the garden of our office for dinner.

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